How to approach the subject:

Don't question victims intently or ask anything that might make them feel that they have done something wrong.

Broach the subject obliquely, giving them the option to talk about it or not.

Let them know that you are willing to listen at any time.

Children have reasons as to why they don’t speak out - some of these reasons are listed here

When they start to talk, listen carefully to what they have to say.

Once they begin to discuss the bullying, it may seem to be all they can talk about. Be patient and let them go on - it's better for them to let it all out than to bottle it up.

Don't over-react - victims need rational advice and help, not emotional overload.

Believe the victim and not any authority figure who may dismiss the claims of bullying simply as 'part of growing up' or 'part of the rough and tumble of life'. No one should have to put up with bullying.

Ask victims if they have any suggestions about changing the situation.

The advice about dealing with bullying that adults give to children should be sensible, realistic and appropriate. It has to be based on real experiences rather than untried theories. And, most importantly, adults should not trivialise the problem or be patronising in their attitude towards the child. A serious request for help deserves a considered response.

We must all be wary of only suggesting solutions which are based on our own experiences. Just because we have found things that work for us, this does not necessarily mean that they will work for anyone else. Parents, children and teachers need to be given the option of choosing from a range of strategies. That is why much of my time is spent trying to find out which strategies local authorities and schools, as well as individual teachers, parents and pupils, have found to be successful and which unsuccessful. Just as important has been to attempt to understand why they have worked or not. Some strategies work in some schools but, because of human and organisational factors, not in others.

Keep an eye on the victim. If they threaten suicide, take this very seriously and obtain professional help immediately.

What brothers, sisters and Friends can do to help.