CHILDREN HAVE THEIR REASONS FOR NOT SPEAKING OUT

"I would tell anybody bar the teachers. They do nothing for you."

It would be easy to dismiss the boy's comment as inaccurate or unfair but that would be a mistake. Many children keep quiet about bullying, partly because they fear what the bullies will do to them if they tell, but also because experience has taught them that adults are often not interested or, when they are, may give bad advice. Of course things are changing but, very recently, I was contacted by the mother of a ten year old boy who was very distressed because of the bullying he was suffering at school. She had done the right things-encouraged the boy to talk and contacted the school-but the advice she had been given by the headteacher was to tell her son to hit back. Not surprisingly, this just made the boy even more upset and did nothing to stop the bullying.

Even those adults who are keen to help sometimes make mistakes. One headteacher said: 'I just cannot stand it. This means that I am apt to dive in before I should.' Children know that bullying is not easy to stop and may well be wary of approaching an adult, however well-meaning, who is known to act before thinking.

LANGUAGE MATTERS

Children may also be discouraged from approaching an adult, like this guidance teacher, who gives out an ambiguous message: 'We are not encouraging clyping but the kids are told that they can come and see a guidance teacher at any time... they usually manage to find you.' Schools which have been successful in tackling bullying encourage children to talk. They work to counter the youth sub-culture which outlaws 'grassing' and teachers in such schools try to set a good example. Openness and honesty are encouraged. Words like 'tell-tale' and 'snitch' are discouraged.